# The Big Book of Corporate Jargon *Best read aloud with an unhealthy amount of "right?"* --- ## 1. The "Not to be the ___" Disclaimer Say one of these just before you derail the meeting. - Not to be the **quicksand in the quarry** here - Not to be the **speed bump at the parade** - Not to be the **pothole in the roadmap** - Not to be the **skunk at the garden party** - Not to be the **rainstorm on the road trip** - No one wants to be the **cop at the keg party** - I hate to be the **fly in the fruit cup** - I hate to be the **orange cone in the fast lane** - I hate to be the **spider in the sock drawer** - I hate to be the **Excel spreadsheet at the birthday party** - I hate to be the **accident on the exit ramp** - Sorry to be the **red light** again here - Not to **boil the ocean** - Not to **sound the alarm** here - Not to **disrupt our alignment** here - Not to **step on my own rake** here - Not to **pull down the oxygen masks during takeoff** - Not to **hang the banner during preseason** - Not to **pop the champagne before tip-off** - Not to **hand him the ball on fourth and goal** - Not to **put the penny back in the cannon** - Not to **explain water to a fish** - Not to **get into the weeds and ignore the garden** - Not to **zoom us in too far** here - Not to **leave the laundry on the living room floor** here - If you don't mind me **emptying the junk drawer** here - I don't want to **put the plow before the snow** --- ## 2. The "If I Could ___ Off That" Pile-On How to agree with the last speaker while sounding like you're adding something. - piggyback off that - springboard off that - dovetail off that (at a high level) - leapfrog off that - parachute off that - catapult off that sentiment - cascade off that - waterfall off that - avalanche off that - barrel roll off that - cartwheel off that - somersault off that - bungee jump off that - pole vault off that - jet ski off that - dirt bike off that - zipline off that - parkour off that - fishtail off that - kickflip off that - bicycle kick off that - kick and roll off that - do a meringue off that - surf that wave real quick --- ## 3. "If I Could Add Another ___ Here" - add **another layer to the cake** - add **a little seasoning to the dish** - add **another coat of paint** - toss **another log on the fire** - lay **another brick** here - pump **some more air in the tire** - **fertilize the lawn** really quick - **varnish the porch swing** here - **pitch us a tent at a higher altitude** - **pull us into the garage and get under the hood** - **take us up to 30,000 feet** - **bring us down to street level** - **top floor looking down** - **bird's-eye view** here - **clear the windshield** here - **recalibrate our compass** - **get us back into orbit** - **take the baton for a lap** - **pass the baton** - **take the governor off the Gran Torino** - **punch us into the end zone** - **roll us farther down the hill** - **land that plane** real quick - **stick the landing** here - **dock the ship** here - **call a quick audible** - **triple-click** on that (one better than double-click) --- ## 4. Mixed-Metaphor Warnings For pointing out problems without saying anything. - We don't want to **adjust the sails all day and forget to leave the harbor** - We don't want to **merge into the express lane without checking our blind spot** - We don't want to **drive off from the gas pump while we're still filling the tank** - We don't want to **jump off the metro before our stop** - Let's not **draw the roadmap while we're on the freeway** - Let's not **land the plane before we've cleared the runway** - We don't want to **microwave a brisket** here - We don't want to **install an elevator to keep taking the stairs** - We don't want **everyone else finishing the race before we've tied our shoes** - We don't want to **frame the trophy before the season's over** - We don't want to **jump the gun at celebration** - Let's not **take a victory lap prematurely** - We don't need to **repaint the barn** - Don't **reinvent the wheel** - Don't **get over our skis** - Don't **get caught still reading the menu while the kitchen's closed** - We can **stop and admire the harvest**, but at some point we need to **plant our next crop** - **Keep our eyes on the ball and not in the bleachers** — the **scoreboard remains on** - We don't want our workforce **declaring independence a day early** - We don't want to spend the rest of the quarter **in the penalty box** - Is **adequately tracking** a reason to **take our foot off the gas**? It is not. - Time to **hit the accelerator** on core impact areas - We've **reclaimed the driver's seat** - You've got **the keys to the Miata** - You're **the compass on the roadmap** - The **foxhole we're sniffing around** here - The **gold we're panning for** here - **Bring the rain** in July - Y'all **cumulatively split the uprights** here - **Tighten our connective tissue**, if you will --- ## 5. The Classics - Circle back - Level set - Double-click on that - Deep dive / dive a little deeper - Get into the weeds - Take this offline - Give everyone a few minutes back - Hard stop - Touch base - Sync up - Quick sidebar - Pulse check - Unpack that - Take a step back — big picture - Zoom out - At a high level - Low-hanging fruit - Move the needle - Get our ducks in a row - Get the ball rolling - Across the finish line - Leaving money on the table - Boots-on-the-ground approach - North Star - In lockstep - Line of sight - Bandwidth / cognitive bandwidth / mental bandwidth - Runway (also: "remaining biological runway") - Headwinds and tailwinds - Levers / primary levers / high-leverage capabilities - Key drivers - Core competencies - Work streams - Deliverables ("deliver on deliverables") - Action items - OKRs and KPIs - Cross-functional synergy - Synergy between islands - Blockers - Tangibles - Net-net - Value-adds - Stakeholders / external stakeholders (a.k.a. customers) - Over-index - Over-rotate - Pressure test - Course correct - Recalibrate - Realign - Re-anchor the room - Reframe - Pivot - Throughput - Delta - Unlock ("a massively pivotal unlock") - Circle back, indeed. --- ## 6. Nouns and Adjectives as Verbs - **Solution** this ("To solution this temporal catastrophe…") - **Roadmap** some dialogue - **Surface** that - **Spotlight** that - **Flag** that - **Elevate** that / **Vocalize** that - **Action** the lineups weekly - **Operationalize** AI - **Democratize** AI across the enterprise - **Future-proof** our competitive differentiators - **Leverage** my golf outings - **Backfill** the throughput gap - **Moon** this thing --- ## 7. "How Do We Solve For ___?" The meeting's closing question, which always gets a nod. - How do we solve for **less month?** (February) - How do we solve for **less week?** (daylight saving) - How do we solve for **more meetings?** - How do we solve for **more golf?** - How do we solve for **more tech?** - How do we **finish July July first?** - Is there a way to **functionally push February to March?** --- ## 8. Everyday Things, Said Expensively **February is short** - A "length-disadvantaged time cycle" - "February's shrunken chronological architecture" - "Irregular calendrical constraints" - "Reduced business day inventory" - "The two lost days from February," still carrying forward as a "structural headwind" **It's the end of the month or quarter** - "The posterior edge of the multi-velocity corridor" - "The shrinking opportunity aperture" - "The concluding chapter of this month's operational continuum" - "The culminating monthly node of the Q1 construct" - "The concluding tranche of the first quarter performance arc" - "The end-of-period inflection compartment within the Q1 ecosystem" - "The final one-third allocation of the quarter's structured reporting horizon" - "The terminal half of the secondary fiscal quadrant" - "The terminal operating day of April" **It's the start of the year or quarter** - "The earliest quarterly installment" - "The foremost performance interval" - "The primary throughput interval" - "The operational entry point into the broader Q2 construct" - "April is calendrically standard in length" **Holidays** - Memorial Day: "a significantly disruptive calendrical event," "a fiscal memorial for weekly production bandwidth," "reclaim our sacrificial business day" - Daylight saving: "one less hour in the weekly time envelope," "temporal compression," "daylight-induced productivity decline" - Fourth of July: "a preemptive mental transition into recreation mode" - Tax Day: "finance-related external focus," "cognitive overhead amongst personnel" - Cinco de Mayo happy hour: "a meaningful morale reset for the org," "say adios to organizational misalignment" **Office life** - Broken coffee machine: "coffee is a mission-critical input," "an energy crisis amongst personnel" - Dirty microwave: "microwave hygiene," "a hostile operating atmosphere," "a hospitable microwave ecosystem," "microwave malfeasance" - Watching the World Cup at work: "tournament-centric disruptors," "external entertainment initiatives" - Hitting "remind me tomorrow" on updates: "update notifications are not a choose-your-own-adventure scenario" - Coworker is out: "short-term executional drag," "downstream applications of his absence" - Colleague quit: "production dissipation," "meaningful operational degradation" - Happy birthday: "optimize your remaining, albeit limited, biological runway," "wishing you a scalable year ahead with minimal turbulence" - New hire: "the optimal human asset" - Missed target: "the numbers are less of a projection and more of a conclusion," "we're not so much forecasting as we are confirming" **What meetings get called instead** - Collaborative syncs - Strategic huddles - Operational cadences - Touchpoints - Daily forums - Structured dialogue - Calendar surface area - A quick powwow - "Roadmap some calendar surface area to explore a more nuanced dialogue" - "Structure some dialogue around assessing…" --- ## 9. AI Buzzword Salad - AI-first approach - AI-forward enterprise - AI-by-default value chain at scale - AI-enabled go-to-market notion - AI-informed decision-making - AI-driven solution portfolio - AI fluency across the workforce - AI-native operating model - Agentic workflows - Human-in-the-loop framework - Human-first / human-centric operating model - Streamlined enablement strategy - Future-focused lens - "Leveraging my agentic workflows to seamlessly export all my documents to PDFs" - "Automate increasing our alignment for us" --- ## 10. Obligatory Affirmations For when it's your turn and you have nothing to add. - Great callout there. - Very well framed. - Spot on. - Absolutely aligned there myself. - Completely aligned there. - Couldn't have framed it better myself. - Excellent visibility there. - Invaluable intuition there, my friend. - Very perceptive contribution. - Thank you for giving oxygen to that. - So glad you surfaced that. - I 1,000% agree. - Yeah, go ahead. - You can. - It does. - We do not. - Right?